It might appear that I love and welcome change but to be honest, sometimes I need to be pushed.
Our family cottage up north is a place where I resist change like crazy. I love everything about the place – the cracks in the floor, the peeling wallpaper, the tiny holes where the mice can get in and even the windows that are exposed with no frames.
Why do I love all that stuff? It’s part of my history, it’s where I grew up and where I store my best childhood memories.
Since my Dad died in 2012 any kind of change becomes even more difficult. A part of me wants it to stay the way he left it. Somehow I feel like, if we make a change without him, it will take away a piece of him from the cottage.
The other week Wayne and I hopped in the car to spend 5 days together at the cottage gutting the kitchen. As we drove up I was the one feeling gutted. Wayne attempted to console me, as he always does, but this was a tough one. My Dad built our kitchen in the early 60’s with his own hands. Every shelf, every drawer and every cupboard reminds me of him.
When we arrived, Wayne and I decided to relax and talk about all of our new ideas and start working in the morning. Still feeling uneasy, I knew this was the right thing to do and I knew my Dad would be proud but somehow, just like when he was alive, I was wanting his validation.
That night I received the greatest gift. I had a dream that my Mom found my Dad, brought him home and we were all shocked. My first words to him were, “What are we going to do about the cottage? I have made plans and what if you’re upset? What if you don’t like them? Then I have to change everything. My Dad smiled in the dream and simply said this, “You are doing all of the right things, there is nothing I need to control anymore, I am so proud of you. Thank you for taking care of our house.”
I woke up. I was cured. Somehow I felt like I was given the okay and I knew deep down I was doing the right thing. Instead of stressing for the rest of the weekend all I saw was love. I looked at the kitchen plans and I watched Wayne work for 5 days straight and I felt pride and security. I also felt a confidence that the two of us could make this new change together and be successful.
I think change is hard for a lot of people. Are we looking for permission? Or do we just feel lost because we’re not sure how to think, walk, and talk in a different direction?
Whatever the reason might be, I think it’s important to look at it. What are the pieces of our life that hold us back from reaching our full potential?
Gutting the kitchen was so symbolic of change. Stripping everything back to the bare bones with a plan to build something new felt empowering.
I’d love to know what you did to make a change in your life and where you found your power to just do it.
If I can do it! YOU can too!
Monica XO
So amazing Monica!! I struggled with Anorexia for years. I was down to 55 pounds and man I did NOT want to change! I liked my life… it was safe and it was comfortable. I wasn’t happy but I was content. Make sense? As strange as it sounds I did not want to listen to anyone … I was just fine. Or so I thought… fast forward a few years and I suddenly find myself in the arms of one amazing man. He loved me just as I was and against all odds he wanted to be with me! He loved me no matter what … and slowly I wanted more! I wanted to live a long healthy life with Thomas and I for the first time in 38 years wanted a baby. I didn’t have a choice I had to change. Doctors told me I wouldn’t be able to have a baby if I didn’t CHANGE. I was slowly seeing that what I had resisted for so long was exactly what I needed. I nourished my body and my soul. Four years later I was blessed with my precious little girl. Life has never been better. I am so thankful I was able to see forward and change my life for the better!! Do I struggle ?? Everyday !! … but I just stop and think what does tomorrow have in store for me?? I can’t wait to find out!! XO
Tears in my eyes dear Natasha. I can honestly say that your bravery through all of the changes in your life has been an inspiration to me. You never seem to get stuck, you know how to navigate through and make intelligent choices. XO
Change!? Change is good. Change is moving forward. Change for me and getting unstuck keeps me inspired. Interesting you would talk about wanting to keep that little bit of your dad and keeping the kitchen as it is makes you feel he is still there. I still have some of my mom’s clothing in my closet. I looked at it and thought…..she’s in my heart and this was part of her human being. I don’t need to hang onto this to feel her. Lightening my load will lighten my heart and make more space for her. Your dad will always be in your heart. While you honour what he built with his hands, it is tired and needs to be refreshed and changed so that I may come and cook in it and we can all laugh and dance and party with Wolfie because he never left!!!!! ps……I cooked, you do the dishes…..