Feelin’ Outshined . . .

Our house is filled with the music of Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Audioslave and Chris Cornell.  To say that my husband and I have always been huge fans would be an understatement.

I was lucky enough to see Soundgarden at Varsity Stadium the year before I met Wayne, I wish we’d gone together.  Chris Cornell’s voice gives me goosebumps as I listen and reflect on a time when I really needed his music.

I was 25 years old, I had ended a 2 and a half year relationship with the “wrong guy” and moved back to Oakville from Toronto.  A little late on the bandwagon, I discovered the music of Soundgarden in 1994.

They were an important band for me.  They made me feel strong, cool and rebellious.  I was vulnerable, I was stepping out of this “wrong guy” relationship.  All we listened to was classic rock for those 2.5 years together.

I was now single, back in touch with ME!!! I needed something fresh, music to give me my power back.  Soundgarden was there for me.  I loved everything about Chris Cornell.  I loved his long hair, his leather bands on his wrists, the long shorts with the Doc Marten’s.  I loved the way he performed, how he would drop to his knees with a scream that was heaven to my ears.

I loved going to a little bar in Oakville called “The Hip”, filled with amazing people who just wanted to party and get to know each other.  When you went to this bar it felt like family.  I never missed a Friday night at the Hip, I was a regular and proud of it!  When I entered the bar the DJ would always make sure the next song was “Outshined”.  He’d wait for me to arrive then announce, “This one goes out to Moni.”

After a couple of years of being single I said to my best friend, “I want to meet someone awesome, long hair, a couple of tattoos but no booze and no drugs, I’m so done with that!”

A week later I met Wayne.  He fit the profile, gave me butterflies, looked like a rock star, had a kindness I had never known.  We shared a mutual love for everything Chris Cornell did musically.  Soundgarden and Temple of the Dog became our music.  The sparks flew and 20 years later we are still rockin’ it out together.

We are deeply saddened by the death Chris Cornell.  It’s not easy to lose someone, especially when they make the choice to take their own life.  So many unanswered questions.

Human beings are complicated.  You never know what makes a person suffer, what sets them off or what makes them want to give up.  Everyone’s perspective on life is different.  We cannot judge, we can only accept the fact that we really do not understand.  All we can do is show kindness towards the people that we love and remember that nothing is personal.

I will continue to love Chris Cornell and thank him for the music that he created.  He was there for me at a time when I needed to be saved and he led me to the man I love.

Monica XO

If you have a memory that you would like to share I would absolutely LOVE to hear all about it in the comments.



I saw Soundgarden twice within a year in 2012 and 2013. The first at Rogers Arena, and the second at a much smaller venue, The Queen Elizabeth Theatre (from the 4th row I might add!).
They were stellar in both performances, but they were different shows. I enjoyed the larger show for its production, sound, and showmanship. However I enjoyed the intimacy and personal relationship he built with us at the smaller show. I can see how women were enamored and swooned over him, and it was clear why so many whose sexual preference kept them from wanting to hop in bed with him admired him as well. His charisma was undeniable and it will surely be missed.

The news today shook me. Not only is he now dead, but it was suicide, just like Cobain and Staley–two other vocalists greatly admired during the grunge heyday who both committed suicide by different means.

As a survivor of a suicide attempt myself 11 years ago, the penultimate paragraph in your posting reached me, and couldn’t contain a more important message. The death of Chris Cornell is another reminder that mental health is something that desperately needs more attention.

I am gutted for his wife and kids, those close to him, his musical family, and those around the world who loved him.

RIP Chris.

Monica Graves

Jamie, I have no words. Your candidness and open heart will speak to many people reading this. Thank you so much for your kindness and for sharing yourself and the pain you suffered. We are lucky, blessed, honoured and grateful that you are here to help others from your personal experience.


Really really sad. I liked his music too. Of the bands in the 90s – they were one of my favourites. He must have been in great pain and it is truly too bad he had to suffer through those demons. The music still remains which was probably the love of his life at one point. RIP

Tammy Angelis

My husband is a HUGE Chris Cornell fan. I bought tickets for him every time he was at Hamilton place. His voice was incredible and his songs take me back to highschool dances! It’s sad to think that someone with such talent and so much love surrounding him should chose to take his own life….it’s sad that he was in so much pain and no one recognized it. Rest in piece Chris.

Monica Graves

Tammy!! I LOVE that you did this for your husband. I’m sure the Soundgarden is blaring in your house too! Xo

Tracey G.

Beautifully put Moni. He was a voice of an era, a generation needing change both mentally but emotionally as well. Another amazing artist gone too soon. RIP Chris.


Liebe Moni,
schöner hätte man die 90er und ihre Musik nicht beschreiben können.
Black hole sun war für mich persönlich die Trennungsmelodie meiner ersten großen Liebe und die Melancholie taucht beim ersten Ton wieder auf. Damals dachte ich es gäbe nichts was mich retten könnte…alles wurde natürlich gut und nicht zuletzt wegen Chris. Danke für Deine wundervolle Stimme!

Monica Graves

Marion, dein Chris Cornell Andenken ist ganz besonders bewegend.

Diese Erinnerungen und Gefuehle, machen aus uns die starken Frauen, die wir heute sind. Schmerz ist genauso wichtig wie Glueck, oft sogar bedeutungsvoller. Es ist in den schmerzvollen Momenten, dass wir erkennen, wer wir sind und was wir eigentlich brauchen, um im Leben erfuellt zu sein. Ich danke dir, dass du uns an deiner wunderschoenen Geschichte teilnehmen laesst. XO

Bill Majoros

Beautifully written Monica.
Music is the soundtrack of our lives..
Clearly Chris Cornell’s music was deeply moving to you, especially at a challenging and transitional time in your life.
At it’s most powerful it can lead the heart and soul from darkness to light…
And to Wayne

On a serious note, death is the most difficult thing the living can face.
Perhaps that’s an obvious statement but as we go about our day to day lives lives it’s easy to forget how precious every moment is.
It always reminds me to deeply appreciate your loved ones.
Clichés often ring true..
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
Live every day like it’s your last etc.
The loss of a of a Family member/ loved one is incredibly heartbreaking.
What about when you’ve never met the person but they were a big inspiration or you perhaps you loved their music, art, films or books?
My friend Chris Briscoe said this
“Hey friends, it’s ok to grieve the death of someone that you never met. They brought you joy!! It’s ok to feel empathy for their family and friends. He was the most underrated lyricist of our generation.
I’m sorry that you felt that this was your only answer.
Goodbye and Rest In Eternal Peace Mr. Chris Cornell”

Very well said. I must admit I’m not very familiar with Chris Cornell’s music but I completely empathize/ sympathize with the situation.
I felt this way about David Bowie, Prince, Elliott Smith, Freddie Mercury, George Harrison, John Lennon…
I could go on.
It’s been said music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
All of these artist deeply inspired me and illuminated my years growing up with wonderful imaginative sounds.
Those kind of connections are real to me…great art reflects our deepest emotions.
The wonderful thing about music is that it lives on.
I’ll definitely give Sound Garden a spin and to listen in a new light.
Hugs ❤️

Monica Graves

Bill, thank you so much for this comment. Everything you say is brightly lit with hope and love for us human beings and what we are capable of.

Music is magical and it often feels like the creation of a beautiful sound came right from the heavens or and unknown place in our Universe. All of us are magnificent creators and that is what we are here for. To share our talents and shine a light on someone that needs it.

I hope you enjoy the sounds of Soungarden when you give it a spin. Chris Cornell may not be here on earth anymore but I know he will always have the power to make sure his music is heard by those that need it the most. XO


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *